Sunday, November 18, 2012

Bodour: Full Moon(s)

apologize my dear readers as for the past week I was completely out of touch due to the unfortunate passing away of my habibti grandmother Bodour - May her soul rest in peace-. She was a strong woman who fought to raise her children all by herself in this cruel, cruel world.

I would like to take this chance to thank each and everyone of you who supported me with their kind words and hugs through out the past week. 

With the loss of every person close to my heart, I try to confront my disbelieves and find true comfort  in the words I write. This time, I'm going to share a note that I've written more than two years ago on the loss of Sima -May her soul rest in peace-, a lively friend I met at the American University of Sharjah .

Since I was a little girl, I was always taught that as there is a beginning there is an end to everything and everyone. They've always 
spoken of death as something unpredictable and unavoidable…Something that will eventually has its hands on you.
Of course, I am here not to object on death. But I wonder, why is there a book on how to peel a banana in three steps and not one sentence to guide us through the loss of a beloved one!! Yes, I’m someone who can never understand the concept of death. I want to be in comfort with death. I see people around me repeating words like: “it’s ok, this is God’s will.” But why do I, a strong believer (I would like to believe), still tremble whenever death is ‘around’? Why am I, up until this day, still not OK with losing a beloved someone…a friend..a teacher...a grandma..a cousin…an uncle…?

‘They’ say it gets easier with time. That 'soon' you'll cope with the non-existence of that person anymore.
Is it only me, or this does not make any sense what so ever? I’ve finally come to the conclusion that by saying this, we try to comfort the little voice inside of us saying that no, it’s not ok…You just lost someone so dear to you and it’s ok if you cry and curse. But we want that voice to go away because truth, truth just hurts. And so, we look around for the other people in grief and try to help them with the ‘wise’ words we’ve been taught through out our lives.

But at the end of the day, we cannot help but think of the loved ones we lost and sob in tears...

Allah, please grant me the strength that I terribly lack and need.

May Allah protect all the loved ones in my life and yours. 

Reading this today I see that my perspective on death has only slightly changed. Like any other person, I still dislike the concept of losing the sight and voice of someone you love but I accept now that people like 'tayta Bodour' deserves another chance to live happier days with people she once  talked fondly of...

I pray your safe and happy wherever you are tayta, surrounded by the people that brings you comfort... Such comfort that you've always managed to give your children and people surrounding you. 



  1. It seems that we both refuse the idea that death somehow is Ok and just another component of life cycle. What i really can't get a grasp on is the concept of "closure". How can we get closure and get over the everlasting loss of a close one. I find it rude to ask someone to have closure after the death of a really close one.

    1. I also find it impossible. Days and years pass and we still think about our lost loved ones...
      I hope and they are all in a better place... I really do.