Reminder to Self: Live your Life with Gratitude

First of all, I would like to apologize for not posting this earlier. I was facing some technical problems... 

Second, Thank you! Thank you all 1000+ readers. You are the reason why I will never stop voicing out. I hope that my words are reaching every single one of you in a way or another. I love you all and wish you and your families Eid Mubarak. So, although I have a lot to share with you this week, I decided to give you a mini break to enjoy this long weekend with your loved ones, away from my thoughts and words!

Oh! One last thing, be thankful for the people you are surrounded with and the things you have. Your family and friends provide you with the love and care you need everyday in different ways and actions that you are mostly oblivious to…

So, say thank you more often and spread the love ^_^!

M.C.

Tick Tock, the right timing is here!

A couple of days ago, while heading back from Dubai to Abu Dhabi, I had the chance to think about something that has  bothering me for a while now. It has come to my attention that I try SO hard to defend myself, my thoughts, my actions, my beliefs, etc. It's not teenager talk, I don't want to just *insert annoying teenager tone* 'do whatever I  totally feel like doing...like totally'. But rather, I started thinking about several incidents where I allow people to push me towards babbling reasons to why I've done something the way I did and why it wasn't my fault and so on... 

So, I started raising questions: When should I just shush and not say anything to people in front me? when should I just node my head and work the muscles on my cheeks up? And so I thought, maybe it's simply when my explanations and justifications are not needed because whoever is confronting me is not really interested nor waiting for what I have to say. They are just here to shout out whatever they want to say and leave. But then another thought joined the ongoing  train of thoughts: sometimes people come and raise questions about things you've done and said wanting to hear what you have to say. In these cases, I think it is safe if I start saying what is on my mind and explain how things led to another... right? maybe?!

I went on and tried the above scenarios for 4 days but it did not work for me! No they did NOT! I couldn't just take the blame for things I haven't done or said! I couldn't just stand there with my mouth shut. I needed to defend my thoughts, my words and my actions! I needed to stand up for myself and I wasn't going to wait for someone to do it for me. But, unfortunately, this did not work either. Saying whatever is on your mind at the happening moment is not always the right action to take. So again, I went back to my  journey of finding the perfect way to "voice out" and I figured: it's all about the timing! And trust me, holding yourself back to find the perfect timing is NOT easy! Oh not at all! But I'm learning and taking by the advice to take deep breaths all the time and deeper breaths at other times.

Until then, I can assure you one thing; I, Mariam El Chami, will never suppress my thoughts. Never.

M.C.

When Your Face is Stuffed in the Dirt

Ever felt like you're the underdog? When no matter what you do or where you reach is never enough? When you  give and give, try and try, but never seize to get their attention? I know I've been through this and more. I've always felt like I'm competing for the "grand prix", for their "oh wow Mariam! You did it!"... And by "their" I mean absolutely everyone. My family, friends, people on the street, anyone. 

There is nothing wrong with wanting people you care about to see what you're doing, to feel what you have to go through everyday to get to where you are, but it is when you wait for their appraisals that you stop living, being and doing anything for yourself. Your complete focus shifts towards the wrong direction. This is when you allow negative feelings and thoughts of frustration, defeat, disappointment and unfulfillment to penetrate within your soul, mind and body. At this point, whatever you do will never make you feel good about yourself. Whatever goals you reach will never give you the thrill. You will simply deprive yourself from celebrating  every single time you rise because you'll be blinded by what people are saying about others and not you. 

Last weekend, I heard a sentence that caused blood to rush through my entire body. "No one can take away your achievements". I remember I was on the cross trainer at the gym and I actually paused and stood there with thoughts flowing and tears pouring. The mini voices in my head started screaming: YES! YOU ARE BEING FOR YOUR SAKE. YOU ARE DOING FOR YOUR SAKE. It IS ok if a day passes and you don't get a pat on the shoulder because not all people express what's within like you do.

So, next time you feel like you are falling apart and your face is stuffed in the dirt know that time has come for you to do more, give more, achieve more, and try, try, and try a little more... Because at the end of the day, it's true fellow reader when they say: no one can take away your achievements unless you let them... You're a star, believe in yourself and what you are capable of, search within and you will find what you can do and how far you can reach, because you simply can. 

M.C.

The Judgmental Mariam in Me

When I first started posting in my blog, I decided to make it a weekly one where I post every Thursday. I usually write them before that, whenever I'm 'inspired'. Not this week. This week was cluttered with 'inspirations', which made it harder for me to pick one illustration and plot its details down. So here goes what my mind and heart chose to be voiced out. 

A week from now, I was wandering at one of the malls with my siblings, when people started looking at me, staring at me,eyeing me from head to toe...They tried to hide it but their eyes kept following me. I was confused. Was it that I was wearing minimal make up? I can't look this bad without make up! Is it the way I walk? But I Know I walk just fine, with the right body posture... I started pondering about every single detail in my physical appearance.  Thoughts started rushing in and out for a couple of minutes until it hit me, they can't see my arms! See, I was wearing a 'Bahraini Abaya' that day. For those who don't know, a 'Bahraini Abaya' is the traditional dress for women in the Gulf with a specific cut where you have to tuck your arms in to tie an inner belt. So for the 3-4 minuted I had my arms inside my Abaya, I faced the most confusing - troubling - puzzled faces I have ever seen in my entire life! I mean, I know we all can be judgmental every now and then, maybe more often than  we would like to admit, but this was the first time I felt judged for something, if true, had nothing to do with. 

I started thinking, do I stare like this every time someone who looks slightly different passes by? Do they notice the "I'm trying not to stare at you" looks? For these couple of minutes I loathed the judgmental Mariam in me. Although I always try not to judge or label others, I couldn't help but think of all the times I actually do. I couldn't deny all the times I glanced at someone for milliseconds just because they looked different. They see it. They feel it. All the "I'm trying not to stare at you" looks don't count anymore. 

It took me a while to sit and write down this experience because until this minute, I'm  still trying to get my head around it. Am I judgmental? Am I not the philanthropic person I think I am? No that's not true! Because when I try 'not to stare' at someone and I eventually do I don't do it because I want them to feel bad. I always do it with a smile. A supportive smile I hope.  

There's a lot to think and write about when it comes to our perceptions of other people, but for now I know that I should always, always, keep this 3 minute experience in my head before I step out for you never know what you might face one day.

I write and publish this note in hope that I'll one day get to the point where my actions truly mirror what goes around in my mind and heart...

M.C.